Ask a Scientist

Science!

If you're studying for an exam or just want to know how the universe works, then I'm your man. I'm here to answer a few simple science questions, be it a physics or biology or chemistry or even a psychology question. Hopefully I can fire up the engine of thought that is your brain.

1. Who created the universe?
It's not really a question of who but what. What created the universe? Was it a big bang? Was it a computer?

Actually it was that first one. The Big Bang. Basically what happened was there was a Big Bang and then suddenly stuff was. Billions of years later our solar system formed and now here you are, reading this blog.

2. What is evolution?
Evolution is a naturally occurring phenomenon, theorized most famously by Charles Darwin. It takes a long time to occur. Take a herd of a buffalo for instance. The herd is only as fast as its slowest member, and should a predator attack the herd, they're all going to want to get the hell out of dodge. Enter evolution. Over millions of years, buffalo have evolved into expert getaway drivers. Now when they spot a carnivore, they can be seen climbing into various fast sports cars and burning some motherfucking rubber.

3. Someone told me the moon affects the tides. Whaaaaaat?
That someone is absolutely right. The moon does affect the tides, using its psychic powers. What most people aren't aware of is that the moon is a sentient being, capable of concealing portions of its face in shadow to look more menacing. That face on the moon is, in fact, a real face, staring right at you with pure loathing. And yes, it is made of cheese.

4. Is time travel possible?
Of course not. Don't be absurd.

5. My boyfriend wants to do it, but I'm on my period. Help plz?
This one isn't really a science question, so I can't help. Sry.

6. What is meant by "splitting the atom"?
Basically what it involves is heating a knife until it glows red. Place the atom on a largish cutting board and carefully cut down the middle. The hardest part is finding an atom.

7. How are stars born?
By picking up a guitar and auditioning for American Idol.

8. How is it that I can think and feel and all that cognitive stuff?
The brain is a very complex organ, possibly the most complex there is. We don't know much about it, which makes sense because our brains are the ones that decide what we know in the first place and for all we know they are hiding dark secrets they don't want us to find out about. What we do get is pychology, which is the study of our mental quirks and such.

9. You didn't answer the question.
No I didn't.

10. Are you a real scientist?
If by scientist you mean Arts student, then yes.