TV Tropes

The cat got his cone removed yesterday, which is good because I was about to fill it with dry food and time how long it took him to eat his way to freedom. He's lucky he doesn't understand what a reflection is because he must have been looking at that ugly creature in the window by the door, wandering "what the hell happened to that guy's face?!"

Ignorance is bliss.

Every now and then I scan tvtropes.org, captivated by all the tricks of the trade writers use. Anyway, because this blog doesn't have a TV tropes page I'm going to list some of them myself. Here they are:

"This blog contains examples of:" (in no particular alphabetical order because I can't be bothered)
Unreliable narrator - my life isn't all shootouts with Danny Trejo and delivering sermons to the brainwashed members of Niallology. I frequently run out of personal anecdotes to draw on so I make shit up. Fair enough. You should be able to work out what is true and what isn't. The most interesting story I have right now is I went to a party the other night and we were playing poker and I was running out of chips. So I went all in and won with two pairs, scooping up a table's worth of chips and thinking this story would have been more interesting if someone's car keys had been mixed in with them. So let's lie and say they were. I now own a Chevrolet. It's already riddled with bullet holes.
Eldritch Abomination - See Frankencat above. This applies to the kind of hideous, unimaginable, ungodly horrors described in the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Monsters with thousands of eyes and millions of noses and stuff like that. Frankencat's wound started bleeding a bit yesterday. It was gross.
Seinfeldian conversation - what I need to do more often. For instance, what's the deal with potato chips? You open the packet and there's like ten chips in there. But the bag is big enough to fit at least five times the amount of the chips. What a waste of space! And money! You think they could at least try to fit more chips in, so that they spend less money on the packets because the chips won't be so widely spread.
Cosmic horror - I think I mentioned what it would be like to be stuck in space at one point. Not nice. I think it's about time they sent the first civilians up for a look around. I'm talking about common people like you or me and not fucking Bill Gates or whoever. Except they'd have to make it very clear that you might die. Sort your will out before you put your spacesuit on, folks!

I can't think of many more right now and I would risk sounding utterly and irreprehensibly self-indulgent if I tried. Like that movie where Zach Braff returns to his home town because his mother died and broods until he meets Natalie Portman and they listen to the Shins and scream into canyons.

That movie sucked.

The end.