Adam Sandler

Thank God I remembered to ask my former boss for all the holiday pay I haven't used. This week I found myself with an extra $1000 to spend on being young and wild and free and other cliches I don't actually adhere to. But last night I went out and got so drunk that I was questioning the nature of existence and reality between cascades of vomit until I'd filled a bucket to the brim with a yellowish mixture of whiskey and vodka. The hand that wasn't being used to hold this cauldron of foul potion upright was busy writing a thesis on Plato's allegory of the cave. That's a massive exaggeration, but it's funny how sometimes after a few drinks some of us tend to feel smarter even though, objectively speaking, we may be doing something foolish. Like setting fire to our pants.

It was all because I went with some friends to see Ted. We thought it would be fun to sneak some Jack Daniels in there so we could watch this no doubt riotously entertaining film as we stirred a tiny bit of Jack into Coke. But when we got there it was sold out and we had to see some Adam Sandler shitfest instead. Because of this the alcohol was gone within fifteen minutes and then all we were left with was the movie. From what I can remember, Adam Sandler played a washed-up celebrity, the guy from the Lonely Island was his son and Gossip Girl was his fiance. As usual Sandler was talking in a strange voice and was acting like a man-child. Only this time he wasn't holding a golf club or a magical TV remote. Vanilla Ice was in the movie too and so was the guy from Heroes. Wait, I just remembered that James Caan was in this movie. Why???!!!

Thankfully there isn't much I can remember. It was horrible but there were some genuinely funny moments...I think. But I can also think of a better movie about fathers and sons with James Caan in it. Marlon Brando plays the father and Al Pacino and Caan are his sons. It's a little more serious than this flick and maybe you know which one I'm talking about. It's pretty good. If you like bad movies with Adam Sandler you should definitely check it out. Anyway, Adam Sandler sucks and after the movie was over we set out to cleanse our memories of it for good.