Huh?

I haven't been here much lately. I've been busy, you know, with exams and stuff. The internet has become the headache tablet I take after clubbing myself around the head with facts about corporate law and Indonesia. In other words all I've been doing is studying and looking up Cracked.com articles. I kind of wish I could leave my body and become one with the internet, sort of like in Tron or the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. If that happened I could hack into people's Facebook accounts at will and create Youtube videos with my mind. Today's topic is honey.

Honey is that viscuous, gooey, sweet shit that bees make and sell to humans for a modest profit. We then spread it on our toast and thank God for bees. Bees have hives where they make honey, entertain the queen with stand-up comedy and manage the business, which includes calculating their expenses and making sure they don't go over their budget. That sort of thing. Did you know bees have stingers, which are like knives stuck to their asses that dislodge inside people and then they die while if the person is allergic their face swells up like a balloon and they end up choking on their own tongue which looks like some fat, purple fish trying to squeeze its way out of their expanding mouth. Or like a whale giving birth. Fascinating stuff.

None of this has anything to do with my exams or indeed anything to do with anything. I just thought it was worth bringing up since without bees there would be no honey and without honey there would be no honey-joys, or those muesli bars held together with honey. In fact, the word honey wouldn't exist. So that movie with Jessica Alba dancing would be called something else, like That Movie Where Jessica Alba Dances.

Oh, another thing I should mention, which isn't as important as the bees, but still, is that I quit my job. I've already forgotten that place. But for some reason I keep seeing flashes of sombreros and maracas and I don't know why. Actually I've still got like two or three shifts left, and I can't remember where I work because my brain is fried and I can't even remember what colour the sky is because I've been cooped up in this room for a week. At least I think it's a week. Maybe it's been years and years and when I open the door the world will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland and the only people reading this blog are scattered survivors or our robot/alien/platypus overlords.

Anyway if you liked this post then I'll send you some of my homemade honey. If you hated it I'll cough in an envelope and send that to you and with a bit of luck I have swine flu or meningacoccus and you'll get it. Asshole.

The end.