Eurovision (Part 2)

Well look at me listening to Linkin Park like some misunderstood teen, dying my hair black and slitting my wrists while thinking about how much I hate my step dad or whatever. I used to love this band. I was like eleven and I was into Linkin Park and Evanescence and Good Charlotte. Wow...

Today's topic is the second half of Eurovision. I never got around to reviewing semi-final 2 because I was busy fuming at the Australian media spoiling the winner. Seriously, you bunch of footy-loving, kangaroo-shooting, billabong camping fuckwits, some of us don't want the winner spoiled so please, next time, DON'T put it all over the TV. I only had to glance in the direction of a screen at my gym to see that Sweden was the winner. Although I'm not surprised, since they were awesome. They had that song that went like "EUUUPPHOORRRIAAA! SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING OF TIME!" And there was a ninja at the end who came on and nearly kicked the gold robes lady in the head. Also it was snowing or some shit. I was sold from the moment they came on stage and I'm not surprised they won by more than fifty points.

As it turned out Russia did extremely well, which is great because those fine dames worked their hips out of joint to entertain us with their song about...what was it about? They were holding a tray of cookies and singing about partying. So maybe they were saying that their baking is so good it makes people dance. Whatever the case, there must have been something nice in those cookies because they were clearly having a wonderful time. The little one waving her arms around was just adorable, like a baby goblin demanding a hug.

Two other memorable acts were Greece and Cyprus. Sure, the music was good and I came for that, but I stayed for the sexiest lead singers their countries had to offer. Makes me want to go to Europe. Ms. Greece had legs like...

like...

...well you know what legs looks like.

As usual Britain got no points. They seem to treat Eurovision like paying a bill or something that needs to be done before a certain date. They just don't put any effort into it and hence they're consistently awful. At least they had an excuse this year. The Olympics are coming up and it just so happens London's been picked. So they're probably busy knocking down council flats and mosques to make way for this tremendous event. In all seriousness I hope it goes swimmingly. On a scale of Munich to Sydney (which is my personal favourite) I hope it's up the Sydney end. Go Brits.