Niall's Music

Attention Nickleback fans, your fandom is misplaced. Switch to good music today and discover the reason why music exists. But to be fair, although Nickleback sounds like some lizard vomiting into a microphone, it gets much worse. I keep hearing rumours of something called One Direction. They are apparently a group of serial killers whose M.O. is to torture people to death through sound. The only way to survive their reign of terror is to keep the radio switched off and stay away from the internet. Since I don't use a radio and I blog telepathically, I have all bases covered. But if you're reading this from a computer, then I suggest you to finish reading and then throw your computer away. If you do that you might stand a chance. Also, keep away from TV, particularly breakfast shows who like to have awful musicians as guests, the kind of artists who are happy to get up at the crack of dawn to go on TV and have a superficial conversation with Kerri-Anne or Koshawhatshisface.

Don't be afraid to cut yourself off from today's music. I'm trapped somewhere between the 60s and about 2004 and I couldn't be happier. I'll admit "Call Me Maybe" is a genius song, because it bores its way into your brain and literally takes over, manipulating your hands into logging onto the Itunes store and downloading it. But I'm also happy to say it hasn't possessed me yet. I had no idea who One Direction was until I contacted the asylum they escaped from, and I have no idea who Calvin Harris is, or what a Flo Rida is. Is that a new kind of pants? I'm familiar with Nero, but only because they won't stop playing that shit at work. I actually like them, which is a testimony to why my musical taste makes no sense.

Before you label me a music snob, understand that I hate old tunes as well. Queen fucking sucks. It's true. Wait, that doesn't help me at all does it...

But I like a wide range of genres. I don't just listen to metal, or nineties alternative rock, or Daniel Johnston, who falls into the genre Schizophrenic People Who Play Out of Tune Guitars and Sing Like They're Suffering A Stroke. My taste in music is like a guy in a downpour with a big umbrella who's willing to share it with everyone except One Direction...and Justin Beiber...and Nicky Minaj...and Hansen...and...

...well there's only so much umbrella to go around.