Totalitarian Utilitarian Theological Philosophistology

Okay, so here's something to share with you. I was watching Cracked videos the other day and I came across their take on what has to be the most rewatchable video on Youtube. It is to me, at least. Here is the original clip.

If there's one thing I hate it's pretentiousness; pretentious people and pretentious intellectualism.This guy thinks he's a philosopher(ist?), but comes across as a wanker. There are two main reasons I can't stop watching this fucking hilarious video. Firstly, it's his accent, and secondly it's the way he describes his band as a "Christian, alternative, progressive band", talking about his music like it will give you spiritual enlightenment. I had a bit of a listen. Not only is it garbage but it's just a metal band. Even if I wanted the kind of experience you think your music can "show" me, I'd be better off getting high and listening to Pink Floyd, or some of the weirder Beatles songs.

What also amazes me is how someone can be such a hipstery wanker without any sense of irony. At first I thought maybe it was a joke, but given how serious Philosophist takes themselves on their MySpace page I think it might be for real, which is quite scary. This guy, who calls himself John Shakespeare as a subtle hint at how much of a talented poet he clearly is, also reminds me a lot of those European long-haired blonde guys from Family Guy. You know, those guys who are like "I wuz going to bong my gerlfreend but she said there wuz nore weehh".

Anyway, I'm going to start my own band. We're a progressive, Satanic, buddhist, deathcore, grindcore, punk, post-jazz dubstep, classical, baroque, African, tribal, drum and bass, trance, alternative, britpop, indie, motown, funk, soul, nintendocore, thrash metal, softrock, neo-folk, pop-grunge, synth-al capella, nursery rhyme, ambient, minimalist, emo, piano rock, electronic-trombone, shoe-gazing, brass ensemble, church choir, children's music, rock n' roll nine-piece boy band.

We'll call ourselves "Monarchs of Leonard", and our first hit single will be called "Your Intercourse is Aflame".

Also we'll be philosophical and wear sunglasses and have a conspicuous cold sore.

And if you're interested in seeing what Cracked has to say about this video, which I would imagine is infinitely more interesting than what I have to say, the video is called "Why Hipster Bands Shouldn't be Allowed to Use Youtube".